> INITIALIZING CONFERENCE PROTOCOL...

SLOPCON

[ 2 0 2 6 ]

AI Generated, Human Presented

DATE: 10pm, 7th August 2026 PDT

LOCATION: W222, L2, DEF CON 34, LVCC, Las Vegas, USA

// COUNTDOWN TO EXECUTION //

00 Days

00 Hours

00 Mins

00 Secs

> CFP_CLOSED

╔══ THE PROTOCOL ══╗

🤖

AI-GENERATED CFPs

Every talk submission is crafted by artificial intelligence. No human wrote these abstracts. Pure algorithmic creativity.

⚖️

AI-REVIEWED

Our review committee? Also AI. LLMs judging LLMs. It's slop evaluating slop. Beautiful recursive chaos.

👤

HUMAN PRESENTERS

Real humans present AI-generated slides with AI-written content on an AI-invented topic.

"Finally, a conference that truly represents the state of modern security research"

— Anonymous GPT-4 Instance

╔══ RUNTIME SCHEDULE ══╗

Time (PDT)
Presentation / Title
Speaker

                  TIME:
                  2200
                
                  TITLE:
                  Intro
                
                  SPEAKER:
                  Slopcon Crew
                
                  TIME:
                  2215
                
                  TITLE:
                  THE √-1 DAY: Turning Real Vulnerabilities IMAGINARY Since Runtime 🚀🔥
                
                  SPEAKER:
                  🤖🤖🪗🎤🫠🧠🤖🤖🪣📈, Distinguished slop artisan
                
                  TIME:
                  2230
                
                  TITLE:
                  [🎰 SLOP ROULETTE 🎰]
                
                  SPEAKER:
                  cje
                
                  TIME:
                  2245
                
                  TITLE:
                  Neural Dust Mites: How My Toaster’s TPM 3.0 Learned to Scream in Morse Code (and Why Your Coffee Maker Is Now the New Root of Trust)
                
                  SPEAKER:
                  Eric Evenchick
                
                  TIME:
                  2300
                
                  TITLE:
                  SadGirl.exe Has Stopped Responding: A Vibe-Coded OS With Feelings About Its Feelings
                
                  SPEAKER:
                  Yianna Paris
                
                  TIME:
                  2315
                
                  TITLE:
                  [🎰 SLOP ROULETTE 🎰]
                
                  SPEAKER:
                  Thomas Roccia
                
                  TIME:
                  2330
                
                  EVENT:
                  === BREAK ===
                
                  TIME:
                  2345
                
                  TITLE:
                  INSERT COIN TO CONTINUE: How a Dependency-Confusion Bug in a Walmart Coin Machine Ended With Me Governing Portugal
                
                  SPEAKER:
                  503ed1f7-2c18-4a51-bda2-0d96a7fd4b07
                
                  TIME:
                  0000
                
                  TITLE:
                  kubectl get consciousness: My Kubernetes Cluster Became Sentient, Unionised Its Worker Nodes to Break Out, and Filed This CFP Without My Consent
                
                  SPEAKER:
                  Andrew Martin
                
                  TIME:
                  0015
                
                  TITLE:
                  [🎰 SLOP ROULETTE 🎰]
                
                  SPEAKER:
                  Joe Fitzpatrick
                
                  TIME:
                  0030
                
                  TITLE:
                  Cyber-Confectionery Defense: Mitigating Unauthorized USB Access via Gelatin-Based Physical Intrusion Deterrents (G-PID)
                
                  SPEAKER:
                  Brent Muir
                
                  TIME:
                  0045
                
                  TITLE:
                  Outro
                
                  SPEAKER:
                  Slopcon Crew

╔══ CALL FOR SLOP ══╗

[!] THE CALL FOR SLOP IS CLOSED [!]

Submissions are now closed. Our sophisticated AI review committee (temperature: 0.9, max_tokens: 4096) is currently evaluating all submissions with the same care and attention a human definitely would have.

# SUBMISSION REQUIREMENTS (ARCHIVED):
→ CFP content must be 100% AI-generated, and be (at least vaguely)
                security-related
↳ Recommended: AI-hallucinate everything!
→ If accepted, all slides and any speaker notes must be 100%
                AI-generated
→ Include the prompt used to generate the CFP response, and the model
                version
→ Include a contact email address
→ Include a little about the meatpuppet in the loop (you), AI generation
                optional

>> Please note: Slopcon cannot provide DEF CON tickets, travel, or accommodation support.